aerdran: (Default)
It's not long after midnight here, but I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I'm sitting here listening to Christmas music and waiting for kids to fall asleep, and figured it would be a good time.

It's been a good year for me. After all of the problems last year what with my car accident, Cult's problems, and Mikel's injury, this year certainly did improve immensely. Best of all, we'll be celebrating Madison's first Christmas, and that's always very special. You only get one first Christmas, after all. The baby might not know or understand what's going on, but it's sure great for the rest of us. Right Heather and Matt?

Looking around at all the people who invade at this time, I can't help but think just how blessed I really am. I mean, it's been a few years now that I've had the mass invasion, and it makes me feel really good to know that I have so many great people who think enough of me to want to spend Christmas with me. I really can't say how great it is to hear "mom" from so many mouths directed at me. It does make me feel so warm inside. I can only hope that I've hlped make them feel that warm at least on occasion, because that's kind of their gift to me. They may not look at it that way, but I sure do.

Santa comes tonight. Yeah, I believe. I've never really stopped, even after 39 years. I hope I always believe, but I don't see it stopping. I don't see why I should. Hey, I must avoid Banality at all costs, right?

What I tend to hear a lot of this time of year has to do with how Christmas has become just a big commercial mess that's a big production and that people get turned off of it because of that. You know, that's really sad, in my opinion. Christmas is what you make it. If you don't want it to be that way with you and yours, don't make it that way. We all have the right to skip past what's fashionable and popular and do our own thing. I may not be so much into the religious aspect of it, but I certainly respect those who do. After all, my mom is quite religious and finds that part of it very important, and I respect that. Christmas to me goes beyond all of that. It's the Christmas spirit inside that's important in my eyes, and it doesn't really matter how one comes by that. Too many people forget that they have the freedom to celebrate how they want and just buy into the whole commercial deal. That's too bad, because they're missing out. I was glad to see tonight that Jason, while excited about the presents, also said that he was glad because he had his family, too. That was one of the big important things to him. He seems almost more excited about seeing how people like what he got them than seeing what he got himself. I'm really glad that even at 9 years old he can see what's really important. Of course, tomorrow he'll have fun just opening the bajillion packages from the bajillion people here.

Cult will be having another Christmas with us, which is definitely something to be thankful for. A bunch of his friends made it up yesterday, and there's a very good chance that more will be arriving tomorrow. This was iffy for awhile, but a dam seems to have broken that will allow them to show up. I can't express how glad I am about that.

So yeah. I think that's the end of my little diatribe. I could go on and on, but I'm sure nobody wants that. I am going to end with the lyrics to a song that I love that expresses how I feel, though. It's by a country band, sorry. ::grins::

I Still Believe in You )
aerdran: (Default)
Woo, what a day. Actually, more like what a night. John got home later than expected, and we had to go to Wal-Mart to go shopping for some things, including coats for the kids. It's always a treat taking the kids to the store. Madison stayed here to be watched by Becky and well, just about everyone else, and I tell you that it can be hard to leave the baby when you're a new mom. It's not that I worry that something is going to happen to her or anything since she has so many competent people watching her, it's just that I miss her. But I managed to survive.

We did fill a cart full of stuff, though. We got Madison her Christmas present from Jason since he knew just what he wanted to get her, and we got some more stuff for the baby, including the essentials such as diapers. We also found this cool bear that, when you turn it on, makes womb sounds to help comfort the baby. She seems to be rather fascinated with it. It's also cool because it has a velcro strap to attach it to the side of the crib so it doesn't pose a risk to the baby by falling on her face or something.

I did take her in to see Cult for awhile earlier today, and laid her on the bed next to him at one point, telling him I needed to use the bathroom. Yes, I did that on purpose. See, I wanted him to know that I trust him alone with her, and figured that was the best way to do it. He looked rather unsure when I did it, but I didn't give him a chance to protest too much. I'm sneaky that way. I spent a little over five minutes away from them, and when I went back into his room, he was lying on his side next to her and just watching her. I doubt that he took his eyes off of her for even the briefest of moments. She was even smiling at him. I think that it did help him to feel better about it all around. Hopefully this will help him to feel better about himself. The one thing I wish I could give him for Christmas is a sense of self-worth, because he sure as hell both needs and deserves it. Maybe Madison will help him with this. I think she has a shot, I really do.

Friday is Allyn's birthday, which is odd to me. She's going to be 15 years old. I have a hard time looking at her and seeing a blooming adult. She's still my little girl in my eyes. It's hard for me to see my kids grow up. Even with my two older boys it was weird, and I adopted them in their teens. Bait was more difficult in that respect because he was so vulnerable when I started taking care of him. He still is at times, although I think he's starting to get past some of it. It can be hard, because I don't feel like he needs me like he used to, which is a common thing with parents, I'm sure. But I know that there are times he does really need me, and I'm glad to be there for him. He still has bad dreams at times, and there are other times that his leg still bothers him immensely, and then I can feel all motherly and take care of him.

So yeah. I'm in and odd mood, I think. Not a bad one at all. I can't be in a bad mood, Christmas is coming. I still have decorating and baking to do. And cuddling. There is much cuddling to be done.
aerdran: (Fianna)
Tiiiiirrrrrred. PT sucks, you know? I just thought I'd point that out.

And joy of joys! I sprained my ankle yesterday. Not in a major way, but enough so rotating it at all hurts. At least it's not my bad ankle. Or well, the worst ankle. They're both bad. But it is the one that broke last July in the accident, so fun fun. Walking just gets more and more enjoyable, doesn't it? But someday I will be off the crutches and totally out of the wheelchair and life will be good. Until I sprain or break an ankle again. My ankles truly suck and have all of my life. Oh well, no biggie.

On day three of John being gone, things are peaceful. Peaceful is good. Although I got a message that he called at almost seven this morning when Mikel was online and he said we might see him on CNN, so to watch. ::scratches head:: We don't have cable. I don't see how we could watch it. Some people. But it is all good to me, because I can relax.

We're hopefully going to be playing Evan's D&D game online tonight. At the very least, we'd like to get it started so characters can be introduced and the like. It shall be fun, I'm sure. I get to play Rigel, so I'm happy. It's been awhile since I've been able to do that.

I now have Apocalypse, since the wonderful owner of our gaming shop saved out a copy for us. Again, without us asking, just like with Gehenna. He does rock. I must thank him profusely when I see him next since I'm not the one who picked it up. He is seriously cool. I will definitely be utilizing this book soon.

Well, tis time for me to end this as I need to try and call John again soon, meaning I have to disconnect briefly. Weird thing is, when I disconnect sometimes, it takes forever to actually disconnect. I mean, earlier when I tried calling him, I hit disconnect and I actually had to reset the computer for it to do it. This was after five minutes of waiting. Very weird.

So that's it, at least for now. Thanks to those who responded to Cult, by the way! Everytime you do so, it seems to make him a little more inclined to write more. So you are doing a very good thing and I really appreciate it.
aerdran: (Default)
He was found last night. He was in an unused building. The police found him, not us. And just like I feared, he freaked the moment one of them touched him. He'd been sleeping because he's sick. His leg got injured in the fight I mentioned earlier; it was cut pretty badly and quite infected. I guess they thought since he was out of it like that, it would be safer. It wasn't. Because he jumped and attacked before he even knew what was going on. That led to him getting shot. It doesn't even seem real as I write this, and I keep hoping that it's some bad TV show that I saw. But it's not.

He's not dead. He went into surgery immediately after getting to the hospital, and he's now in critical condition. Between that and his injury/infection and the fact he's had nothing to eat and little to drink in the past while are all working against him. The police visited me not long after he got to the hospital to tell me. They seemed genuinely sorry for what had happened, so there's no way I can hold any resentment there. They've worked with us on all of this and not against us, so they're not to blame at all. It's just bad circumstances. I was allowed to see him, even though technically we're not related. He looks so young right now. He'll be 18 on July 3rd, but he doesn't look like it. His birthday is so close and his life in in jeopardy. He might not even live to see his birthday. And I had such plans to celebrate it. He didn't respond when I touched him or spoke to him, not at all. Not that it was unexpected because he's under very heavy sedation so he won't wake up to being touched and poked and prodded, if he can even wake up at all.

To top it all off, it's Mikel's birthday today. We had a party planned, but circumstances make it so it's best to put it off. He doesn't mind that at all, of course. But what a shitty thing to happen now. He's one of the few that Cult actually seemed to admire at all. Hell, when Mikel had to hold him back from hitting John, Cult didn't freak about being touched, although that might have been because of what was going on and how focused he was. I don't know. But Mikel's quite upset, along with the rest of us. I'm lucky I can type at all.

We got home a couple hours ago from the hospital. I was awake all night, and even though I'm tired as hell, I can't sleep. I tried for a short while, but gave up. It's so subdued around here. Cult's dog Frenzy seems to sense that something's up because he's very quiet and lying down at my feet. The kids are being really quiet overall as well. It's almost like death here. I know that's a bad spin to put on it, but it feels like it. But he can't die. I couldn't handle it. It would be so much like having one of my kids die. He is one of my kids in my mind. I can't lose him. I'll be going back later to see him, but I have limited time with him. There's a policeman posted at his door, too. So there's a big beacon pointing there saying "dangerous criminal." Oddly, the policeman that's on duty there at the moment seems to have this attitude when people look that way that says they'd better not say a thing about it. Maybe all of the talking I've done and the pleading that they be careful with him has influenced things. Maybe. I don't know. I just know I want him to be okay, and the outlook isn't good. And if he does get better, and wakes up to see where he is, what will he do? They can't keep him that sedated forever, and after the hospital, he'll likely have to either go to jail or to a psychiatric unit. Either will get to him badly. If only we could get those charges dealt with, that would help immensely. They police said they couldn't really justify bringing charges against him for attacking when he was touched because he was obviously too ill to realize what was going on. He didn't do too much harm, anyway. Our police department has been so good at working with us, but the other city seems to have it set in their minds to be hardass. Evan and Randy are going to go there tonight to start working on things there, and they're taking a friend who's a police officer. They're going to do what they can, because we want to get this straightened out as soon as possible. I mean, the charges against Cult are apparently an assault he supposedly committed in the last few months. While he was here. He didn't leave for any length of time, let alone long enough to go a thousand miles away or however far it is. Susan has an attorney who's going to be there too, so we'll see what happens.

Right now, I'm just concentrating on him getting better. I have to visit him as much as they'll let me and try to get through to him so he knows I'm there and that I love him. I don't know what else to do. I'm so scared right now, and trying to be optimistic. It's hard, it really is. Cult's best friend is here now, and there's no way they'll let him go visit. He wants to in the worst way, but it's not happening. I feel bad for him, because he's almost desperate with that need, although he'd never admit it. It's not hard to tell, though. He can't even sit still. The other two that came with him to look for Cult aren't much better, either. I should go and deal with that and make sure everyone gets fed, too. Most haven't felt like eating, but they should. And I need to keep busy at the moment.

Thanks for listening, and for all the good thoughts and vibes and all that anyone's given. Send more if you can, please. The more, the better. Oh, and if someone IMs me on any of the messenger services, it might or might not be me. But someone will be here when it's on, unless something's going on. We're leaving the thing on a good part of the time, so you'll probably see it on at least some. Thanks again.

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